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It’s been almost 15 years since my brother and best friend, Tom, a colorful, “wicked” smart, 16-oz burger-loving guy, took his life.

At the time, my family, Tom’s friends, and I knew very little about Tom’s struggles and his suicide shocked us all.  After he died, I learned he suffered from “mental illness” and “depression”, terms that only complicated his death for me.  Did he have a genetic disorder that most people do not?  Was his condition diagnosable and properly treated?  What does mental illness feel like?  Was he sad or disappointed?  Was the depression temporary?  Why couldn’t he snap out of it?  Was there a cure?  And then, beyond these questions, I found it difficult to even talk about him.  After all he didn’t just die, he died by suicide, which society had ingrained in me and others that Tom was selfish, that he was weak, that he was flawed, that he just “gave up”—all of which I knew weren’t true.  I felt I had to pretend he never existed.

I wish I knew then what I know now.  90% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder.  Many do not consult a mental health professional.  Diagnosis and treatment are difficult, but they are available.  Identifying signs, knowing available resources, and seeking professional help can make a difference.

So I will be participating in the Out of the Darkness Virtual Overnight Walk to remember Tom and others we have lost, to raise money that will fund mental illness research and programs to help those suffering from mental illness, to increase awareness of what mental illness is and what can be done to treat it, and to eliminate the stigmas associated with suicide and mental illness.

Thank you for your support!